Sometimes I get hurt...Part 2

In May, I decided to go to Hamburg for an impromptu weekend visit to see my friend Kristi, who had just moved to Hamburg from Vancouver. It will be nice to see someone from back home and get to visit a beautiful German city. I kept hearing how great Hamburg is and that it is so lovely. Also, there was going to be a Stake dance happening at the Church and so a friend and I were going to that as well on the Friday night, then do sightseeing on the Saturday.

I had made plans with other friends to go to Hamburg this weekend but as the weekend drew closer, the majority of them decided not to go. Thankfully, Paivi was still on board and she turned out to be one of the best blessings on this trip. Also, we were both going to be staying at our friend Matti's place. He slept in a cot in his tiny kitchen...now that's a host :) He wanted to make sure that we were comfortable, so Paivi had his room and I chose the couch, it was my favorite Ikea couch :).

Paivi and I used the Mitfahrgelegenheit services and were able to secure a ride to Hamburg. The guy was really nice and there were 2 other guys in the car too. 4 of us chatted throughout the 2.5 hour drive while one of the passengers just sat there, slept and talked on his cellphone. The only time he spoke was to say hello to us and then give directions to his stop in Hamburg. Yet, besides that, I am so glad that my first experience with carshare was a good one.

We took a train to Matti's place and the train stations in Hamburg are so nice, a lot of stairs, but nice. They have bright, white tunnels and so it's well lit down there. It seemed cozy in a way. Matti lived only a two minute walk away from his metro stop and so I felt so happy not to have to rush or worry about connections when we go sightseeing, etc. He made us feel welcome immediately by giving us a yummy yoghurt treat with fresh berries. When I washed the dishes he didn't like it because he is the type of host that just wants his guests to relax but hey, he has to deal with having good guests. He can't be the only one with good manners.

That night we got ready to go to the Stake dance and then later we were going to meet up with my friend Kristi and her friend to check out Hamburg at night. It was chilly out but I was going to wear my black flats...with socks haha and then high heels at the dance. I wanted to look good and make a nice impression that I am sophisticated.

Well, at the dance, I knew one other person there and Matti got us all dancing right away. We met a few more people, due to Matti's help and so Paivi and I were able to dance a lot and have some fun. Germans like to partner dance to all songs and so I was dancing with one of my friends, Benji, and we had already danced 2 songs together but then when the next started to play my partner was sooo excited because it was fast and one of his favorites. So we started dancing to it and at one point we started jumping. I was wearing high heels and had been jumping on and off throughout the night and so felt comfortable. Yet, I was getting tired but figured that I could make it through this song at least before sitting down. My friend said to me, "You don't have to keep jumping if you don't want to" but I said that I was fine and so we kept jumping but this time started moving around the dance floor. Then just like that, I feel my foot twist out from under me, feel a snap and I am down on the ground. The first thing I notice is a table of women just staring at me in horror. The thing about me, is that when I get injured and go into shock, I am more concerned about what other people are thinking and feeling, so to make them feel at ease, I smile and laugh a little to show that I am fine, and my friend helps me up right away. I limped to a chair and then as I sat, I start to feel the ankle swell. My friend is absolutely feeling bad and asking me if everything is okay, to which I reply, yes, but I think I need some ice on this right away. So, we head downstairs, where there is another kitchen and he starts to look for some ice. What he finds is a block of butter and so I use for that about a couple of minutes until it's uncomfortable on my foot. Benji kept apologizing and I told him that it was my fault, I should have stopped jumping and been more careful in high heels. There were comfy chairs in the open area and my friend asked me if I wanted to go back upstairs but by that time, I was beginning to realize that this was serious and so I asked to stay down there but if he could tell Paivi and Matti where I was, that would be great. I could walk/limp the short distance to the chairs and I sat there and just thought about how stupid I was. I kept thinking that I should have changed my shoes to my flats, I should have stopped jumping, I should have...yes, I was making myself miserable. Plus, I realized that I couldn't do anything this weekend that required walking and I would be letting a lot of people down.

Needless to say, by the time Paivi and Matti came down with Benji, I was feeling very vulnerable and sensitive to the situation. Matti was mad at Benji for my injury which further made Benji feel bad, which made me mad and sad because it was my fault yet no one would listen to me. I felt so bad for Benji because  he truly felt like he singlehandedly caused this. If he pushed me down, then maybe he could take the blame but it was my fault and my inexperience in high heels...okay and a slippery gym floor. Matti and Benji found a bandage in the first aid kit and Matti wrapped up my foot. I asked him to make it tight and so he did. I didn't want their night to be ruined, so I encouraged them to keep dancing, I could wait and was already thinking that I would see a doctor in the morning if it was worse. Due to my previous injury, I remembered the Priesthood this time and had asked for a blessing. I had to wait a little bit and wanted to be upstairs while I wait. So, I got up from my chair but I could not walk on my left foot at all and so Benji had to carry me back upstairs. Thankfully, he is big and strong, yet being carried made me feel how helpless I suddenly was.

I called Kristi to let her know what happened and it turns out that she is a sprained ankle expert because it has happened to her many times. She said, she was even getting over one from a couple of months ago. It made me feel better to be able to ask her some questions and whether or not I go to the hospital now or in the morning. I am not from Hamburg and so I didn't want to be an inconvenience on people and so I figured the morning would be better, just in case, it was just a little sprain. Then, two guys that I had met for the first time that evening, gave me a blessing. Paivi came and listened as well. This time my blessing was about having patience and taking it one step at a time. It would heal and my ankle will be all better. It also said that I should see the doctor soon. So, after the blessing, (It was 11:30pm by this time) one of the guys had a car and offered to drive me to the Emergency which was close to the Church. I didn't think that we would be that long, so I told Paivi to tell Matti to keep dancing and I'll see him later. haha...yes, I am that clueless but I didn't want to ruin anyone's weekend or fun...you see the pattern right? Well, I was carried to the car, Paivi brought my stuff and then Matti arrived. "I can't believe that you were going to go to the Hospital without me." is the first thing he said. "I didn't want you to miss out on the dance, I won't be long.", "You are my guest and you will be waiting at the hospital for a long time." So with that, we were all in the car and we headed to the emergency.

Getting out of the car, Matti carried me into the hospital and we headed to the Nurse's desk. He spoke with them and explained everything in German. Again, I didn't have the vocabulary but this was giving me the motivation to learn. Paivi and Jan, stayed in the visitors area and visited :) Not an ideal setting to get to know someone but it was quiet at least. There was no one else in the ER, just us, which meant that I was able to get an X-Ray immediately. They put me in a comfortable chair with wheels - like it wasn't an actual wheelchair but it had wheels...yet hard to steer :) So Matti came with me for the XRay and then to discuss my injury with the doctor. As we were waiting in a room for the results, the doctor came in with the X-ray picture, so I knew that this injury was a little more serious than a sprain. It turned out to be a tiny bone fracture which takes 6 weeks to heal. 6 weeks I have to wear a foot brace and for 2 of those weeks I will have to use crutches. That is not what I was expecting to receive as Hamburg souvenirs but there it was. They unwrapped Matti's bandage job and told him that he didn't do a good job because it was too tight :( Oops, my fault. As they re-wrapped my foot, they also put on that wonderful cooling gel and told me to keep my foot at a 90 degree angle. Then I received my ankle brace and my lovely crutches. They told me to rest it fully for 2 days - which meant the whole time I am in Hamburg - and that I could not go sightseeing. We had already planned on going on a Boat tour and I was really looking forward that, so I asked if that was possible. I was allowed to go from a car, to a place where I was sitting. Thus, a boat tour was okay, that made me feel somewhat better. Before I left they told me how I should use the crutches and walk and that putting a little pressure on my foot is okay and good...but after a couple of days. So, going back to the car, I used my crutches and it wasn't so bad. The whole visit was 30-40 minutes...ha, I was right and very blessed again. Matti was impressed and Paivi and Jan could not believe how quick it was. The knowledge that they were all willing to wait a few hours with me if they had to, was very touching. They were all new friends to me yet were so nice and caring. My Mom and my friend Jenn would be very happy with them.

Jan drove us home and I used my crutches again but getting out of the car was an ordeal and I couldn't carry anything of mine...I was beginning to comprehend again, the extent of my situation...helplessness. I slowly made it to the door of the building and thankfully Matti lives in a building with an elevator. Another blessing that I was so happy about.

So, here is me with my new gear back at Matti's place:

Yay!

intense concentration as I take a few steps

The night was okay but having to keep my foot elevated was not too comfortable. I slept a little and again played the "what if" game which wasn't good. The next day, we woke up and I didn't want to bother too much with getting ready so I just brushed my teeth, put in my contacts and put on some clean clothes. After doing that I was exhausted. Matti got up early and went to the store to get us some breakfast. Broetchen, butter, cheese, yoghurt, juice and fruit. The breakfast of champions, he is an awesome host and I was seriously blessed to be in the company of Paivi and Matti during these first days of adjustment. Yet, their concern at times brought me to tears because I felt so helpless. Even, as I recall their kindness and concern, it moves me. I grew up in a family where we were told to take care of ourselves. Once, when I was a teenager, I had flipped over the handlebars of my bike on a gravel road in front of my house and although, I had a rock in my knee, I still had to do the dishes before I walked to the ER to have it removed. It was a couple of blocks away and I went by myself. So, all this concern and kindness, I didn't know how to handle it. It was frustrating to feel like a burden.

In order for us to go to the Boat tour, we had to take the train and transfer to another train. Easy right? Matti lived so close to the train station, so no problem. We were meeting Kristi at an appointed time, and so, since I was slower, we left a lot earlier than we normally would. Thank goodness because that 2 min. walk became 10 min and I had to stop several times to get there. My arms and one leg were so tired from having to support me. The one thing that I was told more often than not, was "At least you will have strong arms after this." Ya ya ya...yet, I needed them now, not later. Matti had to carry to me down many stairs and helped me on to the trains and off the trains. Paivi carried my bags. I kept getting looks of concern and pity from everyone on the train, in the stations, walking to the meeting point. People stared and I felt the stares, yet, it was a reality and I had to live with it. It was part of the territory. Matti is in the army, so he was pretty fit and able to carry me...yet, having to do it three times, down a lot of stairs within an hour, is not his idea of a fun workout. Thankfully, I trusted him not to trip down the stairs with me in his arms yet, the thought did flash in my mind but I had to get over it and never think it again :) Trust!!

Here we are:

That is not a smile on Matti's face. Amazing!

The boat ride was awesome, we met up with another of Matti's friends too. Here is Kristi, and we're all on the boat.

The first couple of days, I had to deal with so many emotions and fortunately, and unfortunately, I was never alone to be able to do that. We hung out during the day on Saturday, played games at Matti's place, ate and just "chillaxed". I suggested to them that they could all go out in the evening and I'll just have a bath and watch a movie. Paivi was only in Germany for a short exchange from Finland, and I didn't want her memories of Hamburg being a hospital ER and Matti's apartment, so I convinced Paivi and Kristi to go but Matti was exhausted. Ya, carrying me most of the day had caught up with him, I guess. So we hung out and watched some TV shows on the laptop until Paivi came back a couple of hours later. The shows we watched were comedies and I was so happy to just take my mind off my injury and just laugh. I laughed so hard, it was great!

Having an injury like this was a lot to absorb and I was concerned about the impending trip back to Berlin. I have come to rely on Paivi and Matti and Matti's friends with vehicles but when I got back to Berlin, no one had a car, Paivi lived far from me and I had 5 flights of stairs to get up with my heavy duffel bag. Saturday night's sleep was even worse because I was worrying so much. I, also, had to deal with my pride which was in full force and I felt like crying anytime someone said something nice to me. I wanted to be treated normally but due to the circumstances, that couldn't happen and it was frustrating!!! At one point, I told Paivi and Matti, as we were walking to Church, to walk ahead of me. I hated having to see them walk a few steps, stop and wait for me, then walk some more, stop and wait...I felt so slow and like such a burden. As they walked ahead of me, I began to feel a little better but then I couldn't hold back the tears. As they got further ahead, they stopped and looked back. Matti saw that I was crying and instantly asked what hurt and I said, I wasn't in pain. That I was crying out of frustration and that I hated the looks of pity. He replied back that he didn't want people seeing them walking ahead of me and it looks like they were ignoring me, so they have to walk with me and then he said, "There is so much pride here right now." haha and I couldn't help but laugh because I was being so prideful and I just had to get over it. This was my reality, and I had to deal with it. I can deal with directness and Germans are great at it. Thanks Matti.

Here we are after Church:

Paivi and I had to catch a train back to Berlin and this was where I felt my limitations. We were dropped off a block away from the Hauptbahnof and we had 15 min. until the train left. Matti and Paivi had all the luggage but I was so tired after a few feet that getting to the train on time will be impossible for me. Paivi ran ahead to meet up with the girl with the tickets while Matti stayed with me and we slowly made our way. He had faith in me that I could make it to the train but I felt my arms burning and my leg as well, I was exhausted and I couldn't go any faster. I was on the verge of tears and so Matti took matters into his own hands and asked a stranger to take our bags into the station while he carried me the rest of the way. We saw Paivi and then had to get to the train which was on the other side. We took an elevator, this time, Paivi took all the luggage and ran to the train to meet the girl. Matti and I took the elevator then he carried me and walked super fast towards the train. The whole time I am feeling bad, we are rushed and Matti was getting really tired, so I suggested that I can do the rest of the few feet with the crutches. He gets me on the train - there is a big gap - then hops off again. I am ready to have an emotional breakdown and he senses it, so for the goodbye, he says, "we've hugged enough" and we shake hands. Paivi and him hugged goodbye and then the train doors closed and we were on our way back to Berlin. It was a true Hamburg adventure...and I can safely say that the next time I go to Hamburg, I want it to be so relaxed that I want to feel like I'm sleeping the whole time...haha.

In Berlin, I had nothing to fear after all and was able to make it home and not worry about my luggage. Paivi took my luggage as we got off the train and carried it to the taxistand right outside the Hauptbahnof, which is close to my place. I got in and then Paivi left for her house. She is amazing and thankfully, strong! The taxi ride was quick but 8 euros because I used my debit "EC" card yet it was worth every penny. My vermieter (landlady) met me downstairs and carried my luggage upstairs but I had to get to the apartment on my own. So began the 20 min. up the stair, I crawled and hopped but eventually I made it. She was so nice and made me supper, then offered to pick up groceries for me during the week and that I could eat her food as well because she knew that I would not be leaving the house anytime soon. I had stayed in the apartment from Sunday evening to Thursday afternoon, then I went to Institute, then I stayed there again until Sunday.

My friends were wonderful! Paivi had the people at FHE on Monday make a "get better soon" video for me. That was a great surprise. Saria helped me by giving me more tips for my foot and buying me groceries. She even offered me her room to stay in because they have an elevator at her place but I had learned how to get up the stairs a lot easier and so I was okay. People offered to get my food for me, at FHE and Institute, since none of my hands were free and Elder Johnson stayed with me one time as I waited for a bus, and recently, he had Sebastian do the same thing, even though I am doing much better now and am using one crutch. I was still sensitive about feeling helpless and like I was a burden but only when it was brought to my attention by a friend or two who liked to call the people my "slaves". I know they never felt like it and I appreciated their willingness to help me in any way that I needed. I was sad that I had to miss out on a few fun things like a Church musical fireside where some good friends were performing, a birthday get together, and a large multicultural festival but I have learned many things about myself and my friends through this experience.

It has been over 4 weeks now and I am using one crutch when I am outside and no crutches while inside. I am faster and am able to do a lot of things again like get my own food, carry heavy backpacks, grocery shop, take public transit with more confidence and I don't have to ice my foot everytime I walk on it. I have been able to see the good sides of Berliners and often the bus drivers wouldn't charge me bus fare and strangers would offer me help when it looked like I was struggling with something. I would hear "Gute besserung" from people I passed on the street, and although I was stared at often, I would have people shaire their similar stories with me. It was in German but I have improved in my listening skills that I can understand most of what they say. It feels nice. When they ask me what happened, I often reply with "Tanzen mit high heels"...that gets a shocked look and sometimes a laugh to which I would follow with to guys and girls "Never jump in high heels". I like laughter a lot better than pity. I am still struggling with pride but not as much as in the beginning, so I feel good about that.

So, lesson: Don't jump in high heels, unless you were born in them and always remember that you are loved by a Heavenly Father that will always make sure that you are taken care of in any situation, big or small. He takes care of the details and surrounds you with people to help make the journey easier. It won't be perfect and without it's challenges but it will be easier if we let it.

Tschuss.

Sometimes, I get hurt and feel pain...but then I have friends that make me happy again :) Part 1

So, as the heading states, I sometimes get hurt. Unfortunately, that has happened twice already in Germany and both required visits to the Emergency. They were not serious injuries but one happened due to nature and the other due to stupidity.

In the middle of February, I was on my way to teach the second class of the semester. I had been late already for the first class and was determined not to be late for this class. I was doing well for time and noticed that it was icy out. It was between 7 and 8 am, so the sun wasn't out yet and so it was still cold and the ice was firm. I arrived at my stop on the underground and as I got to street level, I noticed that the sidewalk was pure ice. I thought to myself, no worries, I have done this many times before, I just have to be careful. As, I was walking though, I suddenly slipped and felt myself in the air. My thoughts, "I am in the air and I am going to land soon." It all happened in slow motion for me but in a split second, I was walking then suddenly, on my left side. I had landed on my left wrist and thigh, to help break the fall. I was wearing a heavy backpack and so luckily that prevented a head injury. I got up and a passerby asked if I was alright (in German). I said, I was fine because as far as I could tell, nothing was broken. My fingers worked fine, I could walk and knew that I was going to have a huge bruise on my thigh. My left wrist was okay, I didn't feel any pain and I could move everything yet as I walked further towards the school the mobility in my wrist lessened. Okay, so it's a sprain then, I thought and knew that not much could be done for it, and I could make it through both classes and if needed, see a doctor after 1pm. No worries.

As, I got to class though, I had to wrap my wrist with my scarf and put my knitted sleeved glove over it to act as a compress and stop any movement. Throughout the class, one of my students suggested that I go to the doctor immediately but due to my experience in Canada, when this happened before, the doctor said, "it's a sprain, you will have to go the pharmacy and buy a bandage and make sure you ice it." I was a little cynical and figured they would do the same thing to me here. By the end of my second class, my wrist was twice it's size and so I contacted my friend, Kevin, who lived nearby and asked for him to come to the Emergency with me.

I never wanted to go to an Emergency room in a foreign country. I buy the travel insurance that makes sure that I am covered in all instances but that is also to ensure that nothing happens to me...you know, Murphy's Law. I wanted to make sure that nothing was broken as a precaution and the hospital was the only way, plus the private clinic, didn't want to deal with my type of Medical Insurance. Kevin was great, he met me at the station and we headed to the Emergency together, where he was able to explain the situation in German. My German vocabulary did not include injuries. There were a few people in the waiting room but it had only taken about 30 min. after registering, to be seen by a doctor. He saw my wrist and proceeded to poke and press to see where it hurt, he ended up making it more swollen, which both Kevin and I noticed as I was waiting for an X-Ray. I was able to see my X-ray results a few minutes afterwards and the doctor again, poked and pressed my wrist, this time it hurt even more and I yelped in pain. The other doctor in the room that was on a computer had looked up to see what was happening. Kevin, then spoke to the doctor in German and apparently asked him, what he thinks it is, is it a sprain? and the Doctor replied, I am not too sure. Anyway, I did get a wonderful cooling lotion on the swollen area and then they wrapped my wrist, wrote me a prescription for painkillers and sent me on my way. It was done in 1.5 hours, not bad in my opinion. I treated Kevin to a Doner and was thankful that he was willing to help me. He was also studying for a test and so I really appreciated his sacrifice. I ended up wearing the bandage for a few days but once the wrist was feeling a little better, I switched to an elastic bandage compress that Saria had brought with her. She had also given me some very good tips, as she is a nurse and was very willing to share her knowledge. We didn't have proper ice packs in my house, so I didn't ice it as often as I should have but I did sleep and rest with it raised as often as possible. I would compare the mobility with my right hand often and exercise my left until one day, it was just normal again :) Gradually over time it healed and the only time I remember my wrist injury is when I talk about it or have to do anything requiring heavy lifting with it.

Here are some pics:

My prize!! The amount of bandage made it look far worse.

lump

my wrist and hand were the same width

My sprained wrist was a blessing because it helped me to remember God and the Priesthood. I was asked twice if I had gotten a Priesthood Blessing, and the first time, I said, no, and then forgot about it. Yet, the next time when I was asked a few days later, I immediately asked Kevin and my German Brother, Matthias, for one. I had some things that were weighing on my mind before this whole wrist injury happened and in that blessing, it focussed on my injury for a short time and then I was given the answers that I had been praying for. Sometimes, the Lord works in ways that are not easy to comprehend but I know that it is for a purpose and in this case, it was to remember and rely on the Priesthood. He is there for me and loves me. I am surrounded by many friends and I am so glad that they are in a position to help and be instruments of the Lord.